My how things change

Havent written since October before devin left. I wrote once this whole story about what happened but I ended up deleting it some how. So I got pissed and gave up. Devin left to Afghanistan Oct 30th. I broke things off with devin November 26th. I got tired of his shit. He was a million miles away and yet still some how managed to make me feel like the shittiest person alive. Hes been begging me back since of course cause he knows he fucked up our whole relationship. He treated me like shit all the time, talked down to me constantly to me and his friends and family for no reason. He has issues deep down issues that he needs to work on. I can feel myself over it just scared to move on. I am seeing this new boy he seems very sweet but dont they all. Im just scared to give my all again and get fucking stomped on. Hes a marine also but hes out in 3 months and wants to stay in California. Devin wanted me to be honest about who he was and I was. Now he wants to kill him and has a death plan for him when he gets back. I cant seem to fully let go of Devin. I think its because I had everything planned out for us and he went and broke my heart. And its not fair. Whatever thats life I guess. Theres so much to talk about but I really dont feel like writing is right now.