My life is shit and its getting hard to not give up

My life sucks. Im really trying to keep being an good person but when so much shit is going on in my life I dont see the positive anymore.

I got a speeding ticket in December right after I got it I got laid off. I went to court and asked for a payment plan thinking I would of been accepted by unemployment by then. Well, Unemployment denied me because I am in school. I know the lady who I had the phone interview wrote my hours down wrong and is why I got denied so now I am waiting on my appeal date. But still 2 months with no income. Im on my last 78$ to last me till whenenever. I couldnt pay for the ticket since I had no money. So now I have no idea what happens. On top of that I got another speeding ticket on friday. (I was only going 81 on the freeway) which is basically keeping up with the flow of traffic on the 5. Such horse shit. I have no idea what im going to do now.

Still no job. I keep applying everywhere and no where is calling me back. Ive even stooped so low to apply as a waitress at strip clubs. Not even THEY are calling me back. Ive applied to be a 'shot girl' at bars, to pick up dog shit. I just dont know.

My love life is retarded. Im not dating that guy anymore. He told me I had a muffin top so I just couldnt deal with the constant criticism. Ended it. But Ive lost 10lbs since my last post. Finally down to 140. But I have a new goal weight of 130ish. Then maybe I will be happy. Who knows. Im hopping back and forth between ex bfs and new flings. Liam the ex, Codey (new boy) and John (new boy) Idk why I just dont care about anyone because I know in the end I will get hurt. I went on a date with John but everything from my past is already making me push him away. Hes really sweet to me and very polite and kind (arent they all) But hes a marine. I vowed to never date one again but its hard when they are everywhere.. and so damn hot. He can tell im being very reserved and kept asking me to loosen up hes not going to hurt me, hes different blah blah blah blah. Douche. Codey, another sweet heart. (Not a marine, yay) Hes too hot. Plus hes moving out here in 2 months to pursue acting and I dont think I want to even get involved with someone who is going to constantly be around temptation. Just a recipe for disaster. Liam, meh. He tells me all these nice things (when hes drunk) and makes me fall for them each time. Then he never remember saying it and we dont talk until the next time we hang out. (btw I havent slept with any of these boys, I just reread it and I sound slutty. Im staying asexual for a while until I get my head on straight)

Life sucks. Im just falling into the state of I dont really want to get out of bed, clean my room, or just do anything. Im not depressed im just blah.

fml.